It was a day of the week and there was weather outside. I was feeling some kind of way because of a pop culture event or a political happening or my own cruel self-examination, and so I had to keep myself busy with a task of no consequence.

Then Citizen Jim came to visit me.

He was dressed outlandishly in what resembled a costume chosen to reflect something about the nature of his visit.

Also, I noticed his hairy, ape-like hands.

“I’m glad you came to visit me! I missed you!” I said.

“No you aren’t and no you didn’t,” he said, then tried to intimidate me with emotional, verbal, and/or physical violence. But in a funny way that nobody should take seriously.

So I wasn’t frightened, only annoyed. “Why are you here?” I asked.

“Because I’ve got a great idea!”

I doubted that. “I doubt that,” I said.

“Oh yeah? Listen to this.”

Citizen Jim explained his great idea.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard,” I said.

“Only the dumbest person alive would say that’s the dumbest thing they ever heard,” he said.

“You’re right. I’m an idiot. Anything else?”

He shrugged. “I guess not.”

“Well, okay. I hope you come back soon!” I said.

“Considering how much you despise me, I have a hard time believing that,” he said.

“Despise you? Oh, Precious Lamb! How could I despise my best friend in the whole world?”

“Tell it to your blog, you hateful lesbian!”

Citizen Jim left. Dang!

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