What can you say about growing up in rural West Virginia during the 80s? Or about coming of age—and coming out of the closet—in the Deep South?

It’s almost surreal to imagine that long ago, in a universe very much like this one—only with far fewer gadgets—there were basic things about celebrities that could still be shocking.

– from “The Day I Learned the Truth About Madonna”

I’d heard talk (the way children hear talk: by tip-toeing around and hiding behind doors) that Ronnie’s girlfriend Cathy, to whom he might have been engaged, had recently broken up with him. This was alluded to again, perhaps in a whisper, and a little sadly, after he arrived in his less than sober condition. Looking back, I’m sure everyone present was hoping that nobody would forget and casually mention Ronnie’s former girlfriend.

– from “Ronnie and the Everly Brothers’ Christmas Curse”

They had never asked, so these women admitted later that they weren’t even sure I was gay. I’d never seen a drag show, and probably made no friends by playing “I Think I Love You” by the Partridge Family during my first trip to the jukebox.

– from “Yes, I’m Queer. So Hold the Mustard.”

From an award-winning newspaper columnist and the author of the international non-seller Big Trouble in Little Cudgel, here is your dose of Bitchcake Madness!

Read excerpts from Bitchcake Madness! >