Now Comes the Hard Part

As far as I am willing to, I have fluffed up my online presence in the following ways:

I guess that means I should be all set, right? Except. Now that I have all the above crap done, the only thing that’s left to do is the hardest part, the worst part, the best part, the sum of all the parts, the end all the means are supposed to justify: actually sitting down every day from now until who-knows-when until I have something new finished.

Which brings us to some tiny commentary from two writers who could not have been more different.

“The price an artist pays for doing what he wants is that he has to do it.” – William Burroughs

That’s the truth. Even if I suck and even though it makes me miserable most of the time to sit and stare at a keyboard waiting for the words to come (or, let’s be more honest, to read all the words that come so quickly and easily that it seems magical), and despite the fact that it is laughable to even think of myself as an artist of any real stripe or to any degree, I still feel like I have to write.

Unfortunately, finding things to do besides write has never been hard. I firmly believe that only boring people get bored, and I have rarely known true boredom in my life. This is probably thanks (well, I wouldn’t exactly say thanks) to an unsatisfactory domestic situation when I was growing up and the near-constant need to be in that Other Place to avoid going insane while waiting to escape the Awful Place. Knowing how to keep oneself distracted and occupied while passing a series of empty (or tense or terrifying or lonely) moments can be as much a curse and it is a blessing.

Which leads us to a second, more relatable-but-less-palatable insight:

“I’m not one to look back on wanton waste as complete loss – there’s music in everything, even defeat.” – Charles Bukowski

This is more like it, more like what 99-percent of all people who create anything have to face every time they answer the call, every time let themselves be pulled away from the shore by the tides of creation, each time we sit down on the ground and wait for the dirt to be kicked into our eyes and mouth and nose or to simply be ignored even though we have taken thoughts from inside our heads and actually made them tangible – to whatever degree of success.

Here’s to waste and not wasting.