Twelve Years, No Progress

This is the text of a column I wrote for the April 12, 2007 edition of the Glenville Democrat, a newspaper for which I was a guest columnist at the time. (I had been an actual columnist for the paper between 2002 and 2005.) I’m not sure what the title of the column was. If nothing else, reading this proved to me that not much has changed in this country over the last dozen years. – In his editorial last week, Weston Democrat publisher/editor Bob Billeter had some interesting things to say about the problem of illegal immigrants in the […] Read More

Ghostbangers?

Now. I ask you: why are these women going from men directly to water creatures and spirits without even trying out having sex with other human women? Believe me, it’s not just a ghost who could make a woman say, “It was very strange, but the sex was amazing!”

Morbid Millie Drops the Ball

Time can get away from us all every now and then. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it – like when you go into the same  Ruby Tuesday where you worked for two weeks in 1996 but while you’re eating you hear Hootie and the Blowfish, Jewel, Goo Goo Dolls, and Blues Traveler played back-to-back. If you don’t find yourself immediately demanding your fucking money back for having to try and force your food down while that cacophony was playing in the background, you might have tricked yourself into thinking that no time has passed and the girl you had a […] Read More

All Old Ladies Aren’t Wise and Awesome

I work in the retirement community industry, whatever it is they’re calling it these days. I found I had an affinity for it a few years ago, and worked for many years in a dementia care unit as an activities director. Some of the most wonderful days of my life were spent with those people. I now work exclusively with assisted living residents, none of whom is diagnosed with dementia, but all of whom are wealthy, conservative southerners. So when they say things (especially unbidden by me) like, “I feel so sorry for poor Brett Kavanaugh,” I don’t think it’s […] Read More

My Mom Said Things

When I was a kid, my mom had a lot of weird sayings regarding a variety of different topics and situations. I remember a lot of them but have no idea what she was talking about most of the time. I also remember that she always had a fly swatter handy in the summer months, and would swear that every time she killed a fly, “five of his cousins showed up for the funeral.” And that did seem true – the more you killed, the more you had to kill. I was thinking about that this evening we I went […] Read More

People Knowledge

Comment I sent to spamland today: What’s up to every one, the contents existing at this web site are in fact remarkable for people knowledge, well, keep up the nice work fellows. I’m not sure why that one made me laugh – every comment I trash is inept and obviously written by people with no understanding of the English language. Do you suppose there are really good Russian writers out there having to scrape by as “professional writers” of Internet comments linked to malicious downloads? I can’t imagine there aren’t. Honestly, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Now I’m […] Read More

People Don’t Know Anything

I just read a blog post by Jack Pendarvis (who doesn’t really blog any more) about a googling misadventure that took him to the promontory from where he decided to shout that some people who write for the Internet are really, really dumb. And that made me think of the time I read an article on the Flavorwire website that said Arthur Rimbaud “falls in love with Tom Verlaine” in the film Total Eclipse.  Yes, I know, I know: Tom Verlaine was the lead singer of Television. Arthur Rimbaud was, of course, in love with – and shot by – Paul Verlaine. In fact, I know of […] Read More