What a lot of people don’t realize is that Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote an alternate version of Tarzan of the Apes.

In it, Tarzan is called Clive and is much less physically active than the Tarzan character. He puts on quite a bit of weight throughout the story and his jungle adventures wind down when he grabs a vine that isn’t sturdy enough to hold his extra-bulky frame.

The vine snaps.

He falls to his death.

His animal companion’s family refuse to give Clive a Rite of Chimpanzee burial because he vehemently refused to worship their monkey gods when he was alive.

The story concludes when a group of White-backed vultures, lost and seeking a passage back to their watery habitat, feast upon Clive’s carcass after they spot it rotting on the floor of the jungle.