What can you say about growing up in rural West Virginia during the 80s? Or about coming of age-and coming out of the closet-in the Deep South?

It’s almost surreal to imagine that long ago, in a universe very much like this one—only with far less gadgets—there were basic things about celebrities that could still be shocking.

– from “The Day I Learned the Truth About Madonna”

I’d heard talk (the way children hear talk: by tip-toeing around and hiding behind doors) that Ronnie’s girlfriend Cathy, to whom he might have been engaged, had recently broken up with him. This was alluded to again, perhaps in a whisper, and a little sadly, after he arrived in his less than sober condition. Looking back, I’m sure everyone present was hoping that nobody would forget and casually mention Ronnie’s former girlfriend.

– from “Ronnie and the Everly Brothers’ Christmas Curse”

They had never asked, so these women admitted later that they weren’t even sure I was gay. I’d never seen a drag show, and probably made no friends by playing “I Think I Love You” by the Partridge Family during my first trip to the jukebox.

– from “Yes, I’m Queer. So Hold the Mustard.”

From an award-winning newspaper columnist and the author of the international non-seller Big Trouble in Little Cudgel, here is your dose of Bitchcake Madness!

Read excerpts from Bitchcake Madness! >